


What Is

by yourfearlessleader



Series: What Was, What Is [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Coming Untouched, Fingerfucking, First Time, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Top Steve Rogers, conflicted feelings, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:53:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourfearlessleader/pseuds/yourfearlessleader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Second part of What Was, set after a long time after CATWS.</p><p>Bucky relearns his body and his relationship with Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Is

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty much just smut. A little bit of emotional junk though. Idk what happened, it's a bit all over the place...
> 
> Nonetheless, enjoy! (?)

'Alright, go on. Do it.'

Bucky leans forward a bit and grips the edge of the basin, his jaw steeled and eyes down turned, bracing himself for impact.

Steve presses a kiss to Bucky's back.

'Hey Buck.'

He noses at him again.

'Look at me will ya.'

Bucky raises his eyes to meet Steve's doe eyed gaze in the mirror.

'What? Quit staring at me and get working you big sap. You said I'd enjoy this.'

'You will I promise. You just gotta relax, can’t do it when you're all tensed up.'

They stare at each other for a little while longer, Bucky's concerned look challenging whether Steve is telling the truth. He knows Steve won’t hurt him, but the idea still feels weird, like an invasion he’s not sure he wants or will feel natural.

He grinds his jaw and then breathes out for a long time, forcing his body to relax while Steve's lips grow into a pleased smile.

'You sure?'

Bucky nods, not trusting his voice to hide his nerves.

He does want to try this, Steve said he used to love it and would finger him for hours, working him up to the edge countless times without ever touching his cock. But this is different, this is now, and Bucky mark 2 has not had the experience yet.

The thought had made him want to laugh, a weird urge to giggle rising in his chest whenever Steve brought it up. Sure they'd given each other hand jobs and blow jobs which were comfortably doable, but something in Bucky seized up when Steve tried to go further than his balls.

It was only after he displayed a really positive reaction to intercrural sex that Bucky considered moving things forward. The heavy weight bearing down on him and the hot, slick press of Steve's cock between his ass crack and thighs got him harder than he'd ever remembered being before, resulting in the best orgasm of their relationship so far.

He tries to think of that now, his lagging erection coming back to life again. Steve is peppering gentle kisses over his back and tentatively brings his hands to rest on the backs of Bucky's thighs. His thick fingers press into the muscle as he drags them up, grabbing large handfuls of Bucky's ass cheeks and squeezing. There's a draft of air that makes Bucky squirm when Steve parts his cheeks, moving the flesh around roughly and exposing him every now and again.

He's working Bucky up, the insistence and dominance getting him aroused, dick now straining up and bumping against the sink when Steve pushes him a little harder.

'Fuck,' he groans out, head hanging between his shoulders. He can feel his face flushing, intense arousal mixed with the sudden embarrassing revelation that he wants, no he needs, Steve to put those thick, pushy fingers inside him. The cool flushes of air on his hot skin are tantalizing, the stimulation of that sensitive area sending waves of urgency over him.

'Put them in,' he mutters through gritted teeth.

Steve stops and Bucky whines.

'What was that?'

'I said, put them in. Stick your fingers in me.'

He hitches his leg up and rests his foot on the toilet, exposing himself for Steve's access, ignoring the hot flush he gets when he feels Steve's gaze on him. Bucky shivers when Steve licks his lips, feeling very much like he's being preyed upon and wrongly relishing in the attention.

The sound of his heartbeat thuds loud in his ears and sweat begins to bead as he watches Steve slicking his fingers with lube in the mirror.

'Ready?' he asks, catching Bucky's eye to make sure.

Bucky restrains himself from growling, the defensive, feral urge rising up to protect him. He nods sharply and angles his hips so Steve gets the idea.

The first finger glides in, a slow burn as his hole stretches to accommodate the large, blunt digit.

'Wow,' Steve breathes. 'You're so tight. Gonna strangle my dick when I get in there.'

Bucky blushes even more, wriggling a bit to adjust.

'That's a dirty mouth you got there pal.'

Steve's voice is husky and warm in Bucky's ear.

'I'm no boy scout Buck. You used to love it.'

The innocent, pure look of his face does not match the filth that comes out of Steve Rogers' mouth sometimes, and Bucky jerks his hips, knocking the finger inside him against his prostate for the first time.

Sparks light him up through every nerve ending and his eyes widen, a gasp getting caught in his throat. He looks so surprised that Steve laughs.

'Didn't think it could be that good, huh?'

Bucky gapes like a fish and hesitantly rocks to find that spot again.

'I- I didn't know.'

He moans when he reaches it, momentarily forgetting his squeamishness and grinding down with abandon.

It takes Steve's other hand on his hip to bring him back to reality, and he instantly freezes up.

'Want me to use two?'

Bucky frowns at the question, he is tempted, but decides he'd rather get this done with quickly.

'No, I'm ready. I want you now.'

'Please,' he adds when Steve opens his mouth to argue, canting his hips to draw his attention to more pressing matters.

He can tell that Steve senses something is awry when he replies.

'Alright. But hold on a sec Buck.

His face is twisted in concentration; lip caught between his teeth as he parts Bucky's cheeks as wide as possible and gently prods the head of his dick against the little pink hole there. After the fingering there's a tiny amount of give, Steve applying the barest of pressure as he bumps the head against him a few times, only hinting at breaching him and driving Bucky crazy.

'What are you doing you big tease. Just fucking fuck me already!'

He surprises himself at how frustrated and desperate he sounds; only moments ago he was thinking of backing out and now is demanding to be impaled. Bucky wonders how much of a needy slut he was when they did this back then, whether he begged for Steve to give it to him hard or offered himself for the taking, grateful that Steve wanted to do this to him.

He feels grateful now, underneath the irritation of the blue balls that blond punk is giving him.

Steve is just leisurely grinding his cock up against him, still not entering properly and smearing his fluids with the leftover lube.

'Y'know its ok to want this right?' he says softly, pushing forward until the head finally, finally slides in.

Bucky gasps and his toes curl on the tiled floor. The stretch is weird, not burning like the first couple fingers had, just strange that he’s being opened this wide. He shifts a little, a fresh wave of arousal rushing to his dick and squeezing out drops of precome.

Steve pushes in further, splitting him wider, the sensation making Bucky bite his lip and close his eyes. The bead of precome grows until it rolls down the underside of his dick and drips into the sink.

'You ok?'

Bucky gasps a shaky laugh.

'Yeah. Fuck, yeah Steve I'm great.'

Steve takes hold of the thigh on Bucky's propped up leg and surges forward until he’s flush against him, their bodies pressed together almost completely. They stay like that for a moment, letting Bucky adjust and Steve lays his head on his shoulder. Bucky is sweating profusely, he can feel the shifting muscles of Steve's abdomen, the heat radiating from his partners body.

A flash off cool hands and feet comes to mind, a memory of how Steve touched him before the serum turned him into a walking furnace.

He leans forward, breaking the contact, and tries to blow the wet hair out of his face.

'Hey can you tie my hair back, it’s too fuckin' hot.'

Steve looks startled only for a moment when Bucky shifted away, but replied 'Sure,' and opened the mirrored cabinet in front of them for the colored bands he kept there. 

All the while Bucky hadn't moved his hands from their spot, gripping the sides of the sink like it was an anchor.

He scrapes the hair back with his fingers easing out the tangles, loops the green band in place, and kisses the nape of Bucky's neck, tasting the salt there.

'You can move now,' Bucky says, the line of his back arching to tilt his ass up, an invitation for Steve to start fucking him.

The pace he sets up is easy, slippery from the lube and sweat, skin smacking lightly together as his hips make contact with each thrust. It's like they have all the time in the world and it makes Bucky squirm, uncomfortable with the gentleness and care Steve handles him with.

'Go faster,' he urges, grinding down the best he can in that position and suddenly finding his prostate again.

He lets out a sound as though he's been punched, and his dick jerks, leaking a little more.

Spurred on by Bucky's renewed enthusiasm, Steve snaps his hips faster, fucking into Bucky harder as his cock shoves in and out, the slick drag making Bucky feel incredibly dirty.

He grunts involuntarily, his body's reactions different to his minds, like they've somehow separated and Bucky's body is working from memory, loving the sensation of being stuffed full while his brain struggles against accepting the intimacy of this act and how he has let someone get this far.

He quickly blinks away the tears that have sprung up unnoticed and fights to tell Steve, 'This is wrong,' on a breathy moan.

'That's what you said the first time we did this. But afterwards, you begged me for it, saying you couldn't come empty anymore, that you needed me to fill you up and give it to you hard.'

Steve's panting by the time he finishes speaking, the memory sparking up something that Bucky can feel in the new insistence of his thrusts.

'Fuck, Bucky, tell me that again. Please.'

He sounds strung out, finally losing himself after this whole time of being composed, focusing on Bucky's feelings.

A flicker of conversation from long ago comes to his mind, the first time they ever did something like this, when Steve was little but still just as strong for him.

_ 'Well would you ever want me to that kind of thing,' Bucky gestures at Steve, 'to you?' _

_ Steve shrugs. _

_ 'If you wanted to, sure. I mean I tried it out just to see what it was like, and it was ok. Didn't get me off as hard as doing it to you did though.' _

_ He shrugs again and this time meets Bucky's eye. 'Besides, I take more pleasure in giving other people pleasure.' _

Bucky gets it now. Steve needs him to say how much he needs him, not just the sex, but Steve himself. It’s funny how they’re both hung up about this sex thing, neither really dealing with their issue.  
Bucky takes a steeling breath, ready to give up his control and bring down the safety barrier.

'I need you Steve. I need you to,' his voice hitches and he swallows the scratchy lump in his throat, 'to fuck me. Give me what I want and take what you want.'

Bucky pauses and moans, the curl of orgasm tightening in his stomach as Steve jackhammers into him, ruthlessly pounding against his prostate. They're both close, so desperately close.

Bucky takes a hand off the edge of the basin and grabs for Steve's hand on his thigh. He links their fingers together roughly and squeezes tight.  
He’s almost past the point of talking coherently but he has to say this.

'Steve?'

'Yeah?' he grunts, voice strained but his attention focused entirely on Bucky.

'I need you to love me. I need that the most.'

The admission comes out so quietly that the world seems to stop so Steve can hear it. Everything is suspended, Bucky and the universe both holding their breaths, terrified that maybe he just made a huge mistake.

But Steve locks eyes with Bucky and his face says it all, the shock, the elated relief, for a split second the air around them compresses and that's it.

Steve curls forward, his hips jerking erratically as he spills inside Bucky. His face buries into the crook of Bucky's neck and Bucky wishes he could have seen it.

He’s shaking now, balancing with one leg held up in the air and so worked up and desperate to come it’s painful.

Steve comes to, looking slightly dazed and stupidly content. He notices Bucky trembling and the angry red of his untouched cock and feels incredibly guilty.

'I'm so sorry Buck, here let me-'

Bucky cuts him off with a shake of his head and bats the hand reaching for his cock away.

'Just pull out and use your fingers again.'

'You don't have to-'

'I want to,' Bucky snaps, determined but not meanly. His voice softens, almost begging. 'Please Steve. Please make me come like you used to. Just from your fingers.'

The pleading tone motivates Steve to nod and reach for the lube again. He slicks up his fingers while Bucky concentrates on not rubbing his dick off on the ridge of the sink, impatience thrumming through his body.

Steve soothes a hand down down Bucky's chest, kneading the muscle to relax him while his other hand dips down to part his cheeks. He holds Bucky tight to him and mouths at the junction of his neck and shoulder, glancing up occasionally to check his reaction. Two fingers slip in right away, his hole loose and sloppy with Steve's come.

Bucky has his eyes closed, his mouth twisted up, breathing deeply and regularly. Steve recognizes the calming breathing exercises and sighs, he tugs Bucky tighter to his chest.

'Don't force it. Just feel it.'

His voice is low, close to Bucky's ear. The two fingers working inside him ease out and increase to three, pushing in agonizingly slowly. Bucky makes a vibrating noise in the back of his throat and rocks down on the thick digits, whining sharply when they touch his prostate.

The pressure builds with every movement, the lust in his belly less urgent this time, his body and brain finally synced. It feels comfortable now, a natural thing between them.

This is what he wanted, the weight, the stretch, the solid dependency of Steve at his back, taking him apart and grounding him.

When he comes, its like a wave breaking over his head, dissolving the tension hes been carrying for years. He shakes in Steve's arms, the release overcoming him completely. He clenches around Steve's fingers and comes so sweetly it nearly breaks Steve's heart, the wait to have him back worth it for the blissed out look in Bucky's eye and the satisfied slump of his limbs.

Steve removes his fingers gently, Bucky's hole no doubt puffy and sore after all that had happened, and brings them both down to the floor, cradling Bucky close and pressing kisses and praises into his hair.

'You were beautiful Buck, so good for me.'

Bucky tucks his head under Steve's chin.

'I feel ruined.'

'In a good way?'

Bucky laughs quietly, 'Yeah Steve, in a good way.'

There's a pause where Steve nuzzles him a little.'I told you you'd enjoy it.'

'Don't sound so smug Rogers. I'll be ready to kick your ass in about five more minutes.'

'We'll have to do this more often. I love you all snuggly.'

Bucky barks a laugh and punches him lightly on the leg.

'M not snuggly,' he says, and pauses, considering. 'And I do love you y'know.'

Steve squeezes him tighter and Bucky can practically feel his imaginary puppy tail wagging.

'I know. Glad you said it though.'

'Was finally ready to. I'm glad you waited.'

He turns in Steve's arms and surges up to kiss him properly, looping both arms lazily around his neck.


End file.
